standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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