Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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