you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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