He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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