I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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