Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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