What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
