I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
