sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
