U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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