omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
