if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
