Porn is love you can see.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
