bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
