No stitches, just platelets and will power
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
