Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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