can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
