Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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