I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
