Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
