We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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