you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
