imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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