Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
