your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
