thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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