Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
