I look better un-naked...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
