I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Let's paint friendship bongs
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize