I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
