I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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