If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
