once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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