we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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