I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is dick and wine.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize