Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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