My sheets look like a crime scene.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
