how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
