Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
