Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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