You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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