there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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