Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
