So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
