You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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