I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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