He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
