I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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