Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
