Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize