I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
