Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
