Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
