Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
