I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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