My room smells like vodka and shame
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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