He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
