now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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