I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
