I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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