I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
