So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
accomplished twins. life is a go
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
