eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
