this boner is exhausting
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
