Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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